If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dignity is for republicans.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
