I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize