either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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