I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
