i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
