I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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