Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
