Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
