Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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