Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
