I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
