Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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