I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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