Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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