It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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