your thong is hanging out like whoa
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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