trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
