He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
