dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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