All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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