Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
