What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
