Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
