If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
