Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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