I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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