Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
