I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
