so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
