just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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