Im at strip club and am horny
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
