also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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