Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
