You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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