It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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