Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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