I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
