Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
