But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
