I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
