True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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