its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
