yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
