Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
