I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
