He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
