Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
