The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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