I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
