She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
