fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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