So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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