so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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