I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Less talking, more tequila
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
