and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
