Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
