Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I didn't notice because vodka
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
