You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
