I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
