i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
