I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
