Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize