careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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