Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize