Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
