i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
