LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
