i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize