its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
