Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
