im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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