i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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