I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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