I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
