It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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