omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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