Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we should paint friendship bongs
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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