so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Who died my cat blue again?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
