I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize