Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
