Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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