I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
3 2 1 whiskey
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
