Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
