I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
