my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
