Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
