Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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