mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize