He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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