i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
