So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
