I met the friendliest cop last night
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
