He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
