What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
