I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
