Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
