I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
