I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
