you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize