So drunk its hurt
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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